


no strings attached

by supportingcharacters (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, jeaneren week 2014, late again oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 08:03:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1420744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/supportingcharacters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts off as a few tumbles in the bedroom, but you quickly end up falling for him faster than lightning.</p>
<p>
  <a href="http://jaegerschtein.tumblr.com/post/73199433530/art-source-jeaneren-week-this-is-a">JeanEren Week Day 5:  Jealousy</a>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	no strings attached

✚

You met in middle school, and never got along. You used to have a crush on his sister, and you were jealous of his close bond with her. As far as you were concerned, he was an insufferable prick. As far as _he_ was concerned, you were an asshole with a big mouth.

Needless to say, you didn’t get along during middle school.

In high school, your vocabulary had grown. You described him once as a pretentious, self-righteous asshole that would get himself killed one day. He described you as a blunt, self-obsessed dickhead who never knew when to shut up.

In high school, despite your feelings for Mikasa fading, you still fought a lot. You were both on the football team, both in a lot of the same classes, you even had a lot of mutual friends. Wherever you went, he was there. A rivalry had sprung up between the two of you; always trying to out-do each other and prove that you were superior.

You began fighting in the hallways. You quickly got used to having black eyes and split lips.

By college, you had realized that while there was no way he was superior to you, he was much better at fighting. More often than not, scuffles ended up with you pinned to the ground, underneath his shit eating grin.

That’s not to say your little scuffles stopped, they just became less frequent. You began to focus on outdoing him in other areas. Of fucking course, not only had he ended up in the same college as you, but he was taking the same course as you.

In college though, there was a change; you realized he wasn’t a complete dick. There was still a rivalry between the two of you, but it was more light-hearted. You began to hang out more, and realize that he was a pretty cool guy. A sort of friend and rival rolled into one.

If asked, you would describe him as an idiot. He would describe you as an asshole. You nearly always were on the same page, after all.

It wasn’t until you graduated that shit hit the fan.

You both lived in the same city, relatively near each other. You still were in the same circle of friends that you had in high school. The rivalry was still there, but only a trace amount of it. And you rarely fought now.

The first night was one of the exceptions. You were drunk, scuffling lightly outside the bar. Eren pushed you against the wall, and when you squirmed he sank a leg between yours to keep you from wriggling out.

You had been surprised when it sent a jolt of pleasure through you.

You weren’t sure who kissed who, but you were both drunk and horny and high from the rush of adrenaline. You went back to your apartment and tumbled into bed with him.

“You sure about this?” he had asked.  
“Of fucking course,” you had replied hastily, tugging his shirt off.  
He groaned as you wound your fingers into his hair. “Good. No strings attached, right?”  
“Right,” you had agreed, and you had meant it.

When he pushed you onto the bed and pinned you down, his grin left you excited rather apprehensive.

✚

It had started as a one night stand, a fling, a way of relieving pent up sexual tension. After an awkward next meeting, you were past it, something that happened in the past.

Until it happened again.

And again

...And again, after that.

Eventually, you two talked about it. You both agreed that sex was all it was. You both were single, you both were living alone and you both were far, _far_ better than your hand. Still; nobody would ever know, and it was a strictly friends-with-benefits relationship.

You were fine with that.

At first.

✚

You began to notice things about him. Every day you spent with him, you learned something different about him. The sight of him no longer filled you with annoyance. You began to love every moment you spent together, began to find the quirks you once found annoying endearing.

Like, the way his eyes lit up when he talked about something he felt strongly about. You used to find it irritating, and call him an over-emotional, delusional bastard. Now, you can’t help but admire the way his eyes light up, as if someone has set a fire behind them.

You find yourself laughing harder at his dumb jokes, you find yourself relaxing more and more in his presence. You find yourself thinking about him when you shouldn’t be, you find yourself forgiving him for the dumb things he says. Of course, there are still things you can’t stand about him, but in general you like him a whole lot better than you did before.

You begin to fall for him so fast, that you break your nose.

You don’t realize it for a few months though; not until you catch yourself hoping he’s there in the mornings.

He never is, though. You spend the night with him, fall asleep with him, and he’s gone in the morning.

You’re reminded that this is just sex to him; no strings attached.

You don’t get up for a while.

✚

During the day, you just act like the friends you were. You tease each other, aggravate each other, and everyone laughs at your antics. You’re closer than you were though, and everyone’s grateful that you’re finally getting along.

They don’t know that you two fuck on a regular basis. They also don’t know about how you wonder what it would be like to share quieter moments with him; holding his hands or spending nights in – a relationship more than what you have.

It hurts. It’s a vicious cycle where you’re caught between friends and fuck-buddies; neither of which is what you want to be with him. You’re friends during the day, and then you fuck during some nights. In the mornings he’s gone, and when you see him later you’re just regular friends again.

But you like him; more than you can remember liking anyone else before. And you’re mad at yourself because of it; he clearly doesn’t feel the same way. To him, it’s just sex. You feel like you’re taking advantage of him; sleeping with him when he considers there to be no strings attached. You feel used by him, as if at the end of the day, you’re just a means to an end.

You try to forget about him, start a relationship with somebody else. It doesn’t work; whenever you even try and flirt he pops into your head. It’s been months, and you still have it bad for him.

It hurts.

Every morning after, you squeeze your eyes and hope he’ll be there. No, he’s always long gone by morning.

It becomes unbearable to hang out with him; you can’t look at him without feeling this embarrassing rush of emotions. You begin to spend less time with him, because you can’t bear the pathetic feelings that surge in your chest when you look at him.

When you’re alone, you laugh at yourself. Head over heels for a guy you didn’t even like a few years ago, for a guy who considers you as nothing more than a friend with benefits.

You know that with these harboured feelings, you should break it off with him. A part of you knows that it can’t be healthy having this sort of … _thing_ with Eren. You tell yourself you’ll break it off, but you never do because you’re pathetic, and when Eren holds you and whispers your name when he’s close – well. It’s the most you’ll ever get with him.

_(even though you know he wont be there, each morning that you wake up alone, your heart breaks a little bit more.)_

✚

You’re watching a football game at your apartment one afternoon. It’s relaxed; eating pizza, having a few beers, yelling when your team takes the lead. But you still sneak glances at him, sneak glances at his face and the way in which his eyes are lighting up.

He catches you staring once. And you look away quickly, feeling your face burn up (which is ridiculous; this man gave you a blowjob three nights ago yet you’re blushing like a virgin when he catches you staring).

“You okay, Jean?” he asks, and the worst thing is that there’s genuine concern in his voice.  
You grit your teeth. What are you supposed to say? “Fine.”  
“You don’t seem fine,” he comments.  For fucks’ sake, why can’t he leave you alone for once? Why can’t he drop the subject?  
“I said, _I’m fine_.”

You both watch the game for another while, before Eren interrupts the thickening silence again.

“Have you found someone?” he asks. The question takes you off guard. “You’ve been kind of…off, lately. You know…if you’ve found someone, you don’t have to keep up our… _thing_.”

Our thing.

You make no comment.

“Jean,” Eren says, frowning. He turns to you, green eyes narrowed as he studies your face intently. “Are you in love with someone?”  
“What?”  
“I recognize the signs – I remember Armin acting exactly like this when he really liked Annie. He was quieter than usual, seemed way more distracted. And just felt… _off_. Like you now. So, answer the question; are you in love?”  
You’re silent for a moment. You look away. “Yes.”

Eren’s silent for a moment. You sneak a glance at his face. There’s something there you can’t quite place, but he looks like he’s been slapped. “Oh,” he says, his voice seeming faraway.

He stands up. “Sorry, dude, I just remembered I have something to do. I’ll talk to you later. See you, asshole.”

You don’t say a thing, confused by his abrupt departure.

You wonder if you were too obvious. You wonder if he worked it out and left because he realized you were in love with him.

You sigh heavily.

✚

The next time he sees you, he looks edgy and nervous and uncomfortable. Your heart sinks.

“I can’t do this anymore,” is the first thing he says. “This…thing we have. I don’t want to keep it up.”

It’s like a slap to the face; the one bit of him you have being taken away from you. You don’t say that though; you just nod.

Eren looks away, running a hand through his messy dark hair. His hair is so stupid; no matter what he does with it it’s always messy and looks dumb. You love his hair.

“I have a new boyfriend,” he admits. This too is like a slap, but it hurts thirty times worse. You don’t say or do anything, just look at him. “I can’t keep this up when I’m in a relationship.”

“It’s cool,” you say, though your mouth feels fuzzy. “I get it, dude.”

Eren looks sideways at him. “Thanks. Good luck with…whoever the lucky person is.”

Eren’s in a relationship. He likes somebody who isn’t you. You’ve known this would come all along, but you still feel heartbroken because of it. You walk home and feel sick, you want to hurl because Eren’s in a relationship with someone else. You feel horrible, as if you’re going to puke your heart up.

It shouldn’t hurt this much because Eren was never yours to begin with. It shouldn’t feel so horrible or heartbreaking because you had foreseen this day.

It shouldn’t hurt this much, but it does.

You’re pathetic.

✚

The next few months are hard. Mostly because you can’t take your mind off of Eren. Now, it’s not like you’re moping around completely alone; but when you try to flirt or think of something romantic with someone, Eren’s the first thing that pops into your head.

You don’t see him much, anymore. You can’t look at him without feeling the sharp blade of longing cut your insides. You begin to avoid him. You know it’s for the best.

On the rare occasions when you do see him, he seems happy.  He’s always laughing and cheerful – he must be having a great time, you think bitterly. He has a different boyfriend every month, according to Armin, but he seems happy enough.

At least that makes one of you.

It’s the night of Historia’s birthday. All of your friends are meeting for a few drinks later. He’ll be there. You don’t care – at least you tell yourself you don’t. You’ve been moping around for weeks now, like the pathetic, self-obsessed asshole you know you are. But you’re not going to sit around feeling sorry for yourself anymore.

You’re going to see him and smile at him. You’re going to have a good night out. If things go well, you’ll find an attractive man at the bar. If that goes well, hopefully you’ll either end up with a date or getting laid. Not the best way of getting over someone, you’ll admit, but you’ve run out of options.

It turns out, that he’s not so happy.

He’s not his cheerful self; in fact he glares at you when you greet him. You try to numb the feeling of longing. Armin tells you he just broke up with his latest boyfriend. You sigh heavily.

You end up meeting an attractive stranger at the bar after all. He’s charming, and gorgeous, and a smooth talker. He knows how to compliment, and he stokes your ego, makes you feel good about yourself as he buys you another drink.

You still have feelings for Eren. But you don’t think he’ll ever return those feelings. He won’t be able to make you feel good anymore.

At some point during the night, when you’re definitely not sober, the man’s hand creeps up your leg. An hour later, and you’re kissing him. You feel eyes burn holes into the back of your head. You ignore them.

“My place is pretty nearby,” the man whispers huskily into your ear.” You’re drunk and aroused, and you can see the tent in his trousers. You nod enthusiastically, clutching his hand as he leads you outside.

Once outside, he pushes you against a wall, kissing you fiercely. You moan into his mouth, hands wrapping around his neck and tugging him closer. You know that it’s not a very good idea; a drunken one night stand used as a way to rebound from someone who never loved you back – it’s stupid. But you’ve just enough alcohol in you; just enough to keep the heartbreak at bay, and just enough to make this seem like a good idea.

All of a sudden, the man’s pulled away from you. You jump, startled.

Eren grabs him by the collar, eyes dark as he growls. “You stay away from Jean,” he says. “I don’t want you to ever _look_ at _him_ , again.”

He sounds…possessive. And jealous; and it drives you insane.

As the attractive stranger walks away, you yell at him. “What the fuck was that?”  
Eren doesn’t seem to know himself. “I’m sorry,” he yells, in a voice that makes it clear that he most definitely isn’t. “I didn’t want that creep touching you.”  
“He wasn’t a creep!” you yell back. “How fucking dare you – you were the one that broke it off with me! You were the one that was in a relationship – so how dare you poke your nose into my business and act all jealous when someone else gets into the picture!”  
Eren says nothing.

Through the haze of the alcohol, you feel the tears pricking at your eyes. Pathetic. You refuse to let them fall. “You have no idea what it’s been like – knowing I’m just some…tool to you. I don’t mean anything to you, do I? Just something for you to fucking use, a means to an end.”

Eren’s beautiful eyes widen, he shakes his head. “No. Never. Jea-”

“I’m not your fucking property. I’m not something you can mess around with and throw away, and suddenly claim again when someone else comes.” Months and months of pent up emotions are trickling from underneath your walls now. Everything’s coming out, in a never-ending flood.

You’re just so angry, and heartbroken, and sad and you feel so horrible and pathetic and used and-

“You can’t just-” you begin, but you’re effectively shut up by Eren’s lips on your own.

It’s a fierce, needy kiss, and despite the tears in your eyes you kiss him back.

Going home with Eren is an even worse idea than going home with the attractive guy from the bar.

It doesn’t stop you, though.

✚

When you’re finished, you grip Eren’s arm. You ask him to stay the night, you ask him not to leave in the morning.

He kisses your hair with a tenderness you’ve never experienced from him before. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, and he nuzzles against you. He promises not to leave, and you fall asleep, content.

✚

You wake up in the morning to a sweet ache in your ass, a throbbing headache, and an empty apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> hella tired i'll edit in the morning
> 
> [JeanEren Week hell ye](http://jeanerenweek.tumblr.com/)   
> [find me at tumblr dot com](http://gaaradical.tumblr.com)   
> [find my writing related posts at tumblr dot com](http://suppportingcharacters.tumblr.com)


End file.
